My Messed Up Video Game Life
by Winter Blue Dragon
Summary: Delilah is sent to RE4, blah, has to give info to Saddler, blah, hasn't played any other RE game, blah, lacks common sense, blah, tries to kill Mendez, blah, blah, blah, I don't want to ruin the story plot, blah. Warnings: Crack, OOC, AU, blood, and gore
1. Chapter 1

My Messed Up Video Game Life

**-I do not own Resident Evil 4, I only own Delilah-**

**Warnings: OOCness, randomness, crack, crack, and more crack.**

…

A twenty-two-year-old sat on the bed in the living room, playing "Resident Evil 4". She cursed under her breath when Salazar killed her for the umpteenth time.

"Stupid little Spanish zombie Napoleon…" She muttered to herself. She flipped off the screen and scream, "I'm glad I'll never get to meet you!" It was at that moment a purple vortex opened up in the TV and sucked her in. "WHAT THE HELL, MAN? WHAT THE FRUSHING HELL?"

…

Salazar, Saddler, and Mendez sat in a random room, around a random table, talking about the not-so-random U.S. agent that would be coming soon to try and take back Ashley. Then, out of nowhere, a brunette came flying out of a purple vortex, skidded on the table, and landed on Salazar, making his chair fall over and her land on top of him.

Delilah groaned as she pushed herself up. She looked at who she was on top of and screamed at the top of her lungs, all the while jumping up off the golden eyed cretin. She looked straight at Mendez, screamed again, backed up in someone's waiting arms, and looked to see who it was, screamed when she saw it was Saddler, and fainted in his arms.

"Eventful day isn't?" Saddler smirked at the other two males.

…

Delilah groaned softly as she turned over in "her" bed. She barely opened her eyes and sighed.

"It was just a dream, thank goodness." She whispered to herself, while turning over again. She opened her eyes again to see a pair of golden eyes. Her eyes widened, her mouth turned into a perfect "O", as Salazar rose up a little.

"Looks like you're awake," He smirked. She screamed and threw a pillow at the midget. She scrambled out of the bed, pulling a pillow behind her, ran to the corner of the room, grabbed a chair, and held it out in front of her, like she was trying to tame a lion.

"Back, back you little bastard, back!" She yelled at Salazar, while whipping her pillow like it was a whip.

"Looks like she has awoken," Said a voice from the doorway. Delilah looked to see Saddler and glared.

"What the frush did you do?" Delilah screamed at Saddler. "I know you're the reason I'm here! I've only played this game for a week; I don't have much info on me!"

"Actually, I've no idea why you are here, how you got here, or even who you are. I was just going to change you into a weapon and be done with you, but now I know you can be useful, by giving us information on the U.S. agent correct?" Saddler smirked evilly at the young adult's surprised face. "You lack common sense."

"Quit sounding like my brother!" Delilah yelled again. "And like hell if I'll help you!"

"Either you help us or," Saddler pulled Salazar in front of him. "You'll have to marry my short friend. Which will it be? Hero or villain?"

"I'll take villain for five hundred," Delilah replied back while standing up straight. "As long I don't have to marry that- that- _thing, _I'm good."

"I know you want me." Delilah threw the pillow at Salazar.

"Screw you," Delilah growled. "I hate you all."

"We love you too." The chair then made contact with Salazar's face. The short man fell over, making Saddler step over him and started to stride towards Delilah.

"What is your name my dear?" Saddler then took her chin into his hand. Her right eye started twitching and she pushed his hand away.

"Don't do that," She replied. "It's creepy. And my name is Delilah, Delilah Mockie." Saddler took this chance to look at her appearance.

Her hair was a chocolate brown, with dark purple streaks, and was in a pixie bob style. Her eyes were a forest green, with a brownish color to them. She was wearing a baggy black t-shirt that read "Deny all, admit nothing, blame somebody else," and a pair of black, pinstriped, sweatpants.

"So what should we do with you?" Saddler purred to her; she was a lovely young woman, maybe she could be of "use" to him.

"…" She just stared at him. Stared some more and a little more. She doubled up her fist and punched him square in the nose. "Don't flirt with me. Now point me to the kitchen so I can eat, then we'll talk business."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Ugh… I had to get this out of my head… I just finished RE4 last night (Yay!) but I haven't played any of the other games or watched any of the movies. Now my mother is giving me a choice between a Netbook or the Resident Evil games and movies. It's the toughest choice I've had to make since I had to decide if Krauser was more buff than Leon, I'm not kidding. What the frush should I do?

And that's another thing! The word "frush" is a word I made up to replace the F bomb (I got the idea from Revenge of the Nerds). You can use it if ya want but please credit me if you do (I know no one will).

I won't be able to really update much because I can only type when mom doesn't have the computer at work or when she isn't on it. Oh, and I'll be putting up a poll who Delilah should end up with, if you do not have an account then just leave your answer in a review, I really need to make this decision.

I accept constructive criticism, but not flames. I prefer someone who actually cares to help me with my writing, instead of someone who says "Your character is such a marysue! You're a sucky writer!" so on and so on.

Please review because I've had a large lost today…

Last night I running home, in the rain, and my phone fell out of my pocket…

Need I say more?

Plus we don't have a home line because we always use our cells, so now I have to use my mom's cell until we can replace my phone.

Why do my babies always die? First my laptop, then my PC, now my phone! I just got a new ringer for it yesterday! Why? (Vicky: I don't know…)

Sigh… Please review. I need some joy please….


	2. AN

Hey guys. I won't be updating for a while. Why? My grandpa died today (3/16/2012). And my mom is taking it hard and so am I. I will also be writing something very special, based off a dream I had last night. It won't be posted on FF or any other site. If I do it right, you'll be seeing my face everywhere. Haha, like it'll be as famous as Harry Potter. But I will write it. I'll be very busy for a while, so I'll update when I can, ok? Hope ya'll have a nice night.


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